Waiting Impatiently

I tap my foot and drum my fingers, gazing every few minutes at the clock. Another minute passes by. Then another. And another. I look to the heavens expectantly as the ever ticking clock clicks on. Waiting.... and waiting.... and waiting. Anxiety makes my whole body jittery, like when you drink four cups of coffee on an empty stomach. Still, the merciless second hand ticks on, and I'm still waiting.

Waiting is the hardest thing to do when I feel like I need to be doing something. I have so many ideas of how I could serve God; work I could be accomplishing for Him. I have a lot of free time that could be spent doing good works for Him, but if I don't start today, at this very moment, I'll be old and grey and unable to do anything anymore. I try not to think, "Lord, I know You make Your own plans and reveal them in Your timing, but I need to know now! Time is wasting!"

I'm tempted to breath a sigh of discontentment, when I remember verses like Isaiah 40:31 and Proverbs 3:5-6, which speak about waiting and trusting in the Lord. The God of the Universe has far better plans for me than I do for myself, I simply need to trust Him. True, that is far easier said than done, but His Word promises that if I do it, He will direct me onto the right path. The LORD is so patient with us in our doubt. In the midst of our faith-less-ness, He is faithful.

"WAIT FOR THE LORD; BE STRONG AND TAKE HEART AND WAIT FOR THE LORD"- Psalms 27:14

A Stale Bag of Chips

There are days when I feel life is nothing more than a bag of stale chips. It hasn't lost so much flavor that I want to throw it away, but a whole lot of it's saltiness is gone. That savory goodness is lost, never to be returned, just like my life.

Okay, so that was a hyperbole. My life isn't quite so hopeless, but sometimes I do feel it's lost its freshness. Everything seems old, overdone, boring. I want to open my eyes every morning to something new and exciting, but the same old same old greets me instead. Dissatisfaction and discontentment dominate my thoughts as I survey what I don't have and wish I did. If only I could have an exhilarating life, rather than a 5 yr old potato chip one.

Then I take a look at my melodramatic depression and realize my whole focus has been on myself- my wishes, what I want. Self-centered thinking is always the source of these episodes for me, because when I'm focused on myself, I'm not loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, and strength or loving others as myself. I'm too caught up with Marni to be concerned with anyone else, and thus not fulfilling my purpose.

But once I zoom out this self shot and direct my life toward glorifying God and serving others, that staleness I thought had consumed the whole bag, turns out to be just one chip.

A New Year

A clean slate. That's what everyone loves about the new year. We love the thought of starting fresh, without any demerits. Like back in elementary school, when you got your report card: a couple C's, a few D's, maybe even an F or two; you're disappointed, but relieved at the same time, because the next semester doesn't have to be the same as the last. Just like the new semester, the new year is filled with possibilities and hope- hope that we won't make the same mistakes we did last year; hope we can score more A's and B's this time around.

Two months later... your left lying in a dried up well that once held all your excitement for the new year. Your perfect report is not so perfect anymore, and those possibilities? Not looking so promising. Two more months pass, and you look back at your unfulfilled hopes. The same mistakes from the previous year still trail behind you. C's and D's have made a reappearance on your report card. Try as you might to keep it clean, filth still makes it's way onto your slate.

How discouraging it is to strive for a perfect record, and come completely short of all expectations.

But there are some people who don't have that problem. Their failure means little compared to someone else's accomplishment. This someone actually lived up to the perfect standard of life from the moment he was born until His sacrificial death. And His life, His death, and His resurrection give everyone the opportunity to never strive for perfection, because through Him, all who trust in His name are given his slate- absolutely clean. (2 Corinthians 5:21)