Let Go

Other trees have lost their leaves.

But this one will not let go.

Again and again, the wind gives a shake

But the tree will not let go.

The season commands the trees to sleep

Before the spring and the summer bring growth.

Every tree, every flower, every plant with green power

Every and all have stayed true to their oath.

Is this tree blind? Is it dumb?

Or is there some darker reason

Why it will not obey
the wintry season?

I'm like this tree, with my leaves still attached

Unwilling to simply let go.
I hold on tightly, when my God tells me rightly

                                                          to trust him

                                                                       and simply- 

                                                                                                let go.                  

Waiting Impatiently

I tap my foot and drum my fingers, gazing every few minutes at the clock. Another minute passes by. Then another. And another. I look to the heavens expectantly as the ever ticking clock clicks on. Waiting.... and waiting.... and waiting. Anxiety makes my whole body jittery, like when you drink four cups of coffee on an empty stomach. Still, the merciless second hand ticks on, and I'm still waiting.

Waiting is the hardest thing to do when I feel like I need to be doing something. I have so many ideas of how I could serve God; work I could be accomplishing for Him. I have a lot of free time that could be spent doing good works for Him, but if I don't start today, at this very moment, I'll be old and grey and unable to do anything anymore. I try not to think, "Lord, I know You make Your own plans and reveal them in Your timing, but I need to know now! Time is wasting!"

I'm tempted to breath a sigh of discontentment, when I remember verses like Isaiah 40:31 and Proverbs 3:5-6, which speak about waiting and trusting in the Lord. The God of the Universe has far better plans for me than I do for myself, I simply need to trust Him. True, that is far easier said than done, but His Word promises that if I do it, He will direct me onto the right path. The LORD is so patient with us in our doubt. In the midst of our faith-less-ness, He is faithful.

"WAIT FOR THE LORD; BE STRONG AND TAKE HEART AND WAIT FOR THE LORD"- Psalms 27:14

A Stale Bag of Chips

There are days when I feel life is nothing more than a bag of stale chips. It hasn't lost so much flavor that I want to throw it away, but a whole lot of it's saltiness is gone. That savory goodness is lost, never to be returned, just like my life.

Okay, so that was a hyperbole. My life isn't quite so hopeless, but sometimes I do feel it's lost its freshness. Everything seems old, overdone, boring. I want to open my eyes every morning to something new and exciting, but the same old same old greets me instead. Dissatisfaction and discontentment dominate my thoughts as I survey what I don't have and wish I did. If only I could have an exhilarating life, rather than a 5 yr old potato chip one.

Then I take a look at my melodramatic depression and realize my whole focus has been on myself- my wishes, what I want. Self-centered thinking is always the source of these episodes for me, because when I'm focused on myself, I'm not loving the Lord with all my heart, soul, and strength or loving others as myself. I'm too caught up with Marni to be concerned with anyone else, and thus not fulfilling my purpose.

But once I zoom out this self shot and direct my life toward glorifying God and serving others, that staleness I thought had consumed the whole bag, turns out to be just one chip.

A New Year

A clean slate. That's what everyone loves about the new year. We love the thought of starting fresh, without any demerits. Like back in elementary school, when you got your report card: a couple C's, a few D's, maybe even an F or two; you're disappointed, but relieved at the same time, because the next semester doesn't have to be the same as the last. Just like the new semester, the new year is filled with possibilities and hope- hope that we won't make the same mistakes we did last year; hope we can score more A's and B's this time around.

Two months later... your left lying in a dried up well that once held all your excitement for the new year. Your perfect report is not so perfect anymore, and those possibilities? Not looking so promising. Two more months pass, and you look back at your unfulfilled hopes. The same mistakes from the previous year still trail behind you. C's and D's have made a reappearance on your report card. Try as you might to keep it clean, filth still makes it's way onto your slate.

How discouraging it is to strive for a perfect record, and come completely short of all expectations.

But there are some people who don't have that problem. Their failure means little compared to someone else's accomplishment. This someone actually lived up to the perfect standard of life from the moment he was born until His sacrificial death. And His life, His death, and His resurrection give everyone the opportunity to never strive for perfection, because through Him, all who trust in His name are given his slate- absolutely clean. (2 Corinthians 5:21)

I'm Lazy... I Admit It

"A little more sleep, a little more slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest..." Laziness creeps up on me just like that. It hands me a box of excuses when I need them the least, and conveniently refills it long before it runs empty. "Just sleep in 10 minutes longer," "You're too tired right now; take a nap and you'll be much better suited to the task," or "Tomorrow would be better to do this," are just a few samples. Two of my most frequent excuses at the moment happen to be "Just do it tomorrow," and "Why do it at all?" I don't want to give in to them, but I do, time after time. Through Christ, I know I can duck tape my box shut and burn it to ashes, however difficult it may be to remember at times.

I am a procrastinator extraordinaire; I could make myself rich if it were a profession. When I would rather be doing something more entertaining, I trick myself into believing that putting off my work would actually help me do better with it later. I'm not exactly sure how you can lie to yourself, and not get caught, but it is possible, as long as you hide your mischievous intentions from your conscience. Days of procrastinating mysteriously become weeks, leaving me to ponder what warlock stole my time. Yet I know that the only warlock here is my own laziness, and as much as I would love to blame something, anything else, it's my own fault, and I know it.

On top of making me a dreadful procrastinator, laziness also keeps me from starting certain tasks, like housework. Sweeping and dusting aren't so bad, but washing dishes and cleaning up the yard are the worst chores ever! To me, these are evil inventions specifically designed to torture my very soul (okay, that's somewhat of an exaggeration, but sometimes it truly feels that way). And this is my justification. I hate certain chores, therefore, I need not do them. Where in some situations, I might feel guilty for not completing a job, when it comes to picking up leaves, or scrubbing plates, I feel none whatsoever. Eventually, I feel an itch of remorse here and there, but generally, that laziness warlock gets the better of me.

It is so easy to get caught in this trap. Laziness is subtle, deceitful. I give in time after time, often excusing it or justifying it. But I am assured of Christ's work in my life, that is, His promise to rid me of my sin. His sacrifice allows me to be forgiven of my laziness, among other sins; and not only forgave, but freed. I am not forced to sin any longer, because He is now in my life to make me resemble His perfection. This process is God's tool to help me lean on Him daily. If I was perfect from here on out, I would not need His strength and power every moment of every day in order to battle sin. So I am grateful for my laziness, not the sin itself, but the glory which the battle and the victory grant to the One who fights and defeats it.

Dear Inner Critique

Dear Inner Critique,

As of late, you have become a great nuisance. You have kept me from finishing many a project and have often persuaded me to refrain from starting new ones. The majority of your advice has been quite detrimental and negative, the very opposite of what it should be. There is little I do that is good enough for your taste, and since my work cannot measure up, why begin? If I accepted everything you said, I should find myself begging on the side of the road somewhere.

For these reasons, your employment is terminated. Consider this a friendly warning; the official pink slip will be sent tomorrow.

I apologize for any inconveniences unemployment might cause you, yet I hope you understand why I could not keep you. I also encourage you use this as a learning experience to better prepare you, should find another critiquing position. Knowing what one's mistakes are often helps one overcome them, and I am certain that is true for you.


Sincerely,
Your former boss

World Peace?

Recently, I entered into a discussion about world peace (let it be noted that I did not instigate this discussion). This guy insisted on the possibility of all humanity being able to get along perfectly, without war, without conflict. It was hard for me to resist bursting out in laughter- he spoke with such conviction in an absolutely preposterous. He truly believed people would someday learn to live in total peace with one another because time would eventually improve human nature.

Instead of laughing, I blankly stared at him for a few seconds. I had to compose my thoughts and sort my opinions and my arguments. He was wrong, not about there being a day with no more contentions, but about  such a day occurring as a result of time and human effort. People do not have perfect peace in them of themselves. The only way "world peace" can truly be achieved is when the Almighty God wills it to happen by His power; end of story.

To make my point, I reached for this guy's phone. The moment my fingers had wrapped around it, he snatched it away and held it like his life depended on it. A cell phone. According to him, humanly initiated world peace was possible, yet he couldn't let me take his phone. He had no intention sharing his plastic device, whatsoever. Ironic, considering how assured he was of future world peace.

If people cannot find peace with each other concerning small, plastic things, how can we have peace in matters concerning life and death. We fight over the TV remote, and the last piece of cake. Someone cuts us off on our way to work, so we take it out on the clerk at the front desk. These are small things, relatively meaningless, but they can cause so much strife in people's lives. But we can make world peace for ourselves, without any help.

The reality is, it is not humanly possible to make the world peaceful. It is, however, Divinely possible. He is called the Prince of Peace, and that says it all. He will make a day when war will only be a memory, a day when conflict will be a word for the history books. He is the only one we can trust to give us world peace.